I feel a lot better today, not 100% but better than yesterday, still getting quite agitated at the most simple things but never mind. Only left the house for 2 things today too meet my college friend Amy and then to leave the house for a few minutes while people came to look around it with the parents. That stressed me out all i was doing was sitting in my room staring blankly at the computer screen but apparently that doesn't sell houses.oh! Meeting Amy was nice, made a change been ill and cooped up isn't the best of ideas was slowly driving me insane I'm sure. We had a chat and a smoke a bitch about college, bitch about the boyfriends normal stuff and then walked off home.
Amy is one of my good friends, i only really see much of her at college though, but being on the same wave length, makes us have lot more in common, we are two totally different loud people that get on really well, i do count her as one of my close friends now, and that reminds me i must replace her memory card for her camera. (longstory!)
Talking about friends the most odd thing has happened recently, me and my old housemate/sister/bestmate/everything made up again i was the one that said sorry first even though i am stubborn and later she followed with an apology, so everything is all fine. We were going to meet the next day and go for a smoke and a brew but i woke up late and has no money and the same for her, so the next day we decided to go to lava ignite night club in Preston, we an awesome time and everything was back to how it normally was. Bottle of lambrini to mark the beginning of the night and £1 drinks all night, no one was complaining. On the little money we had we manged to get trashed we danced and smoked and danced and everything was fun how it used to be.
Following evening was another one of my close friends 19th birthdays, i went out the night before on a couple of pounds, so there fore was skint in the morning and couldn't make her birthday. Earlier that week i had told i was skint and couldn't make her birthday but me and her would go out another time when i have money and she was fine with this so to me that was the plans. Friday evening gets to about 11ish and my phone rings, its Nikki, picked the phone up and i was screamed and yelled at from not even a hello. I was ill, hungover and very tired and simply said i had no money I'm sorry, more screaming, obviously couldn't be bothered with this so said to Nikki ' oh please don't scream at me have a nice birthday' and put the phone down. I thought that was fair and i don't feel as though I'm in the wrong. Its only her 19th, not her 18th or 21st, i know it was HER birthday but i already said i wasn't going to make it and that me and her would go out another time, this evidentially wasn't good enough for my so called best friend so she has to call me and speak to me like crap. She is now still upset with me, won't approve my comments on myspace is making things up that i told her to 'fuck off' on the phone when my boyfriend and i was there and know full well i was polite and maybe not polite in putting the phone down but polite to say don't scream and have a nice birthday. I really don't understand why she has to be upset and try to make me feel so guilty for not going and using everyone else who went as excuses to why i could of gone. i didn't go. GET OVER IT! not everything is about you!!!!!!!
So me and a friend make up as i loose another one. is ironic the word?
Anyway back on the boyfriend, my best friend, my everything, em adn him have had a hard time recently just arguing all the time and I'm mostly to blame for this, i put all my insecurities on him, sometimes we will fight for the most stupid of things cos i make them a deal a big deal. i need to stop doing that or i will loose him one day and that would break my heart 3 years and then too loose him for being a moody bitch. I put up this aggressive, argumentative, loud front in the hope that no one really actually gets inside and too close to me and then as soon as they do i push them away and i shout at them argue with them anything, cos i get scared if people see the real me they won't like it, cos i don't like myself so why would anyone else. Things like this make sense in my head, you all probably think I'm feeling sorry for myself boo hoo, but i don't care because that is how i really feel no one knows that. Anyway explained all that to him yesterday and ended up just crying and being a mess over it, hopefully he understands he said he does but he might just be saying that. He finally got a job, apparently for me, it made me happy anyways he has work tomorrow night he hates it but at the en of the day its money thats all he has to think of.
Hopefully tomorrow i will do some exercise to help me loose some more weight, thats if i feel better. I will also try and do some washing and maybe see if mark will see me before he goes to work. If you have read all this and to this point thanks and maybe I've shared things with you not many people know. I also don't know how to work this thing as i am new. Lol I'm sure tis all gravy.
